How to Love the Unlovable

“Love means to love that which is unlovable; or it is no virtue at all.”

Christian apologist G. K. Chesterton’s quote touched a nerve in me the moment I heard it.

I’ll be the first to admit that watching current events these days provides more opportunities to respond with love for the unlovable than I’d like. And that doesn’t include the “sandpaper people” I wrote about a few weeks ago that God brings into my life up close and personal. Of course, as I noted then, I’m sure some people consider me to be their sandpaper person!

God calls us to love. Actually, in John 13:34, He commands us to love. Think about it: if this love came naturally to us, we wouldn’t need this command. Still, the interesting thing about biblical commands is that God never gives a command without providing the equipping to do it.

Before we get to the how, we need to be sure of the what. God described what love is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

The key to loving the unlovable is found in Galatians 5:22-23. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” We enjoy this fruit—and are able to share it—when we submit to the authority of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Submission is not a pretty word in our culture. We live in the land of the free and the home of the brave. But God says we belong to Him. He purchased us by the shed blood of His Son, Jesus. We’re free from slavery to sin. We have a new Lord, and He has the right of kingship in our lives. When our hearts’ desire is to obey the commands of His Word and to submit to the leading of the indwelling Holy Spirit in our lives, we will enjoy His fruit. And the first of the fruit listed is love.

If you and I want more love for others, including the unlovable, this is not about trying harder, working smarter, or doing better. It’s not even about asking God for more love if we’re not obeying His leading and allowing ourselves to be controlled by Him.

Instead, it’s the difference between saying, “I’ll be more loving to that person when God gives me the love I asked for” and “God, I choose to love that person and I trust You will give me that love as I take steps to obey You.” Instead of asking for more of His fruit, we need to give Him more of us, and His fruit will follow.

Israel’s Dead Sea—otherwise known as the Salt Sea—is a natural phenomenon. The shores and surface of this lake are at the lowest elevation of the Earth’s surface. The Jordan River flows into the Dead Sea, but nothing flows out. With more than 30% salinity, it is one of the saltiest bodies of water in the world. The high salt content prevents fish, or anything else, from living in its waters.

What does the Dead Sea have to do with sandpaper people and loving the unlovable?

If you’re a child of God through faith in Jesus Christ, then you are filled with His Holy Spirit and His love. But that love is not something we are to withhold. Are we receiving God’s love without giving it out? God calls us to be channels of His love. Lesser love becomes as lifeless as the Dead Sea.

Understand that real love is a choice of the will to obey God’s command to love. Above all, know that loving one another is not about trying harder. Biblical love is about relying on the Holy Spirit to provide the power to love as we take that first step of obedience.

Attempting to love the unlovable in our own strength can be one of the most difficult things we will ever do. Still, Jesus made a point of declaring, “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them” (Luke 6:32).

Loving one another in the strength and ability God gives us by His Spirit will make us channels of His love. And His goal is for us to be vessels to pour His love to those around us: the lovable and the unlovable.

What will you do this week to cultivate loving relationships with unlovable people in an unlovable world?

*Scripture quotes are taken from the NIV translation.

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Ava’s Writer Updates:

May I ask a favor?

If you’ve read my latest book, Flourish, would you take just a couple of minutes to leave a review on Amazon? Book reviews encourage authors and also help other readers find their next good reads. Thank you!

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Join the Monthly Challenge Facebook group!

You’re invited to join our private Flourish Facebook group: a community of Christians encouraging each other to flourish as we cultivate the fruit of the Spirit. We’ll share encouragement, challenges, trivia, contests, and the chance to win prizes.

Our theme for February was love, the first display of the Holy Spirit’s fruit listed in Galatians 5:22-23. Our theme for March is joy. Activities will include fun monthly challenges focusing on individual aspects of the Spirit’s fruit.

Here’s the link to join: www.facebook.com/groups/flourishfruitcommunity